It can feel like an ethical dilemma: one woman or many? Let’s explore. The other day, I got a great reader question that I get variations of often, so I figured it was worth answering here. Here’s his question: Should I be going on dates with the same girl until I decide I want her or not and then move to the next one, or should I go on dates with a couple different girls and then decide which one I want? I’m torn because I don’t want women to think I’m a player, and I’d feel bad if I get a girl’s hopes up and then pick someone else instead. But at the same time I feel like if I date more girls, I’ll be able to pick someone who I really want and not just the first person who wants to be with me. The first person might be great though, so I don’t really know. Great question! My answer is three-fold: It includes a quick, helpful mindset-shift, a shortcut to evade unnecessary awkwardness, and an integrity-check to make sure you’re giving off the right signals. Quick, Helpful Mindset-Shift: When you’re dating, you and she are BOTH seeking clarity on how well you jive together. If that’s the case, the power dynamic is equal, which gives you both the freedom and self-respect to enjoy yourselves and make great choices. The best mindset for dating is thinking of it as a playing ground for both of you to get a feel for each other in an honest, up-front, no-pressure way. Neither of you owes the other anything but honesty. If at any time, it’s not working out for either one of you, you are each free to move on. Keeping this top-of-mind is a liberating way to take the pressure off and enjoy yourselves. Shortcut To Evading Unnecessary Awkwardness: This results in minimal disruption to the women you date (and minimal awkwardness for yourself). Knowing what you want is two-fold: First, know what you want in terms of dating lifestyle design. Is your desired “default mode” to be dating many women for the long-term? Or, is your desired default to be actively looking for the right woman for you and then once you’ve found her and gotten to know her? Either way is great! Just figure out what you want, and be clear and unapologetic about it. Second, know what kind of woman you’d like to be around. What is she like? Is she compassionate, intelligent, fun-loving? If you’re on a first or second date with a woman and you can see she doesn’t really share those qualities, then you can and should get out sooner than later. Whatever you do, don’t fall into the trap of sticking around just because it’s free make-out / sex / company / etc. That’s because it’s important that you have integrity at all times. Integrity is the only way you can ever respect yourself and sleep well at night. It includes being vigilant about knowing what you bring to the table as a man and making sure that is met in the women you choose to date, especially any potential partner. If you’re not searching for a partner but are just wanting to play around and have fun, GO for it! There is nothing wrong with that at all. It’s a fun thing to do and enriches everyone involved AS LONG AS you’re 100% honest. Integrity-Check To Make Sure You’re Giving Off The Right Signals: Being honest doesn’t merely mean being truthful with your words, though of course be that. So if you’re looking to date multiple women and/or have one-night stands, EMBODY that persona. Be that guy, and let the chips fall where they may. A woman who’s not into that won’t be into you from the start, and that’s wonderful! It’s liberating, because you’re weeding out women who you’d otherwise confuse through careless mixed signals. Most men I coach want to date so they can gain experience and generate several options to choose a partner from. For them, that’s the only way they can make a relationship choice that feels wonderful for them, instead of just “okay.” If that’s the case for you too, then your vibe should be easygoing and open, as if to say “I am dating and seeing what’s what right now. The Art of Charm offers tips and advice on what every guy should know about talking to women, dating multiple women, and keeping a woman. Learn more today. The Ethical Player: How To Date, Bed and Sleep With Multiple Women Without Being a Liar, Cad or Heartbreaker - Kindle edition by John Alanis. Download it once and. Sure, if a woman knocks me off my feet, I’d be interested. Whether it’s Woman #1 or #100 “The point is, I’m not the kind of man who settles for less than what he truly wants, and I’m sure you’re not that kind of woman either. So, let’s get to know each other and see if this is something we want to take further. It may or may not be, and that’s alright. It’s at least worth visiting and checking out.” From there, if you’re at the end of Date Three and she’s not yet brought it up,. Check out these free resources for introverted men to keep things going: • • • Also, here is a huge 3,700-word post all about. Lots of guys like the idea of dating multiple women at a time – but many struggle to make it happen. Some guys don’t do it simply because it doesn’t seem possible. They believe that no woman would be okay with that arrangement. They’re also afraid that if they ever tried something like that they’d be labeled “players” or “dogs”. Others guys are able to date multiple women but think the only way to do it is by keeping it a secret. They’ll put all kinds of effort in to making sure no girl finds out about the others. It both creates unnecessary stress and is wildly unfair to the women. This kind of setup is destined for disaster. But dating multiple women at the same time is possible in a way that’s both respectable and stress-free. Here are a few keys on how to do it: Be open about your situation The most important part about dating multiple women at a time is making sure each girl knows the situation. It’s only fair the girl understands what she’s getting into. Also you won’t end up wasting your time and energy keeping secrets that could eventually ruin the relationship. Tell her early Let these women know as early as possible that you’re not looking to be exclusive. Telling her you are just looking to have fun and date around on the first date is going to have a drastically different effect than telling her this after six months of dating. Sharing your expectations as soon as possible will prevent a lot of drama down the road. Now some guys might object to these points, thinking “no girl is going to be okay with this”. But that very attitude will become a self-fulfilling prophecy. This is why you must have the right attitude about the situation. The right attitude The fact that you want to date multiple women may be a deal breaker for some – but you’d be surprised how many girls are cool with it. And believe it or not your attitude about the situation will help determine whether or not she’s okay with it. If you go into this thinking “I hope I can get away with this” then she’s going to be wary about it. She’ll feel like you’re more interested in having lots of women than in spending quality time with her. If she has the impression that she’s nothing more than a number to you, she’s not going to stick around. The attitude you want is: “this is who I am, this is what I want, take it or leave it”. Women respect a guy who knows who he is and goes after what he wants. That kind of confidence will only make you more attractive. But more importantly, having the attitude that this arraignment is perfectly okay sets the tone for her. It gives her the chance to follow your lead and allows her to think that it’s no big deal. You may find that some girls even embrace the fact that you’re seeing other women. She’ll welcome the challenge of beating out other girls in order to win your affection. Others simply won’t care. They’re just looking to have fun themselves, so won’t be concerned about what you do on your own time. Dating a bunch of women at a time can be a great experience that benefits everybody involved. But in in order to do it you first have to be able to attract and connect with the women you meet. You can master this by signing up for the. It’s got hours and hours of videos, as well as drills and exercise that will show you more tips to dating multiple women and how to develop the confidence and charisma that all women are looking for. For guys eager to take their dating life to the next level now, check out a live AoC bootcamp in NY or LA. To learn more about what this program has to offer you, call toll free 1-888-413-7177 for your free consultation.
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March 2018
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